Thursday, December 15, 2005

"FRIG GRAVITY!"

Dear Friends of The Puddle:
Please forgive me for not writing anything erudite, witty, scholarly, dumb, outright hilarious, literary, boring, stupid, witty (oh crap, I already said that...)..... umm, basically writing ANYTHING AT ALL.

Forgive me.
It’s just that I am supposed to be catching a flight in a matter of hours, for Christmas holidays, and I have been busy packing, cleaning up around here, listening to the B’52’s, occasionally necking with Jack, and stuff like that.
Now, the "catching" the flight is not what is causing angst, in my soul. I'm old hat, at that!
The cause of my angst is the weather report.

Supposed to be a severe snow storm, rolling into town at about the same exact MINUTE that my plane is supposed to leave at 6 a.m.
It is just unfair, that’s all I am trying to say.
Could it not have snowed real heavily like say......... umm.. yesterday perhaps?
The day before that?
What about that day? The day before yesterday. Was there something wrong with snowing at least ten or eleven feet of snow on THAT day, instead of THIS day?
The day that MY plane is supposed to calmly taxi out to runway XA-4-223.6 and just........ speed up like it does, lift its nose into the air in that nice little “FRIG GRAVITY” attitude it is so prone to adopt at such speeds?
This is what I want.
I want my plane to fly the hell out of here, right on schedule.
My mother is back home right now.... cooking her wee face off.

For me.
For me to EAT all that stuff. Tons of it.

I've seen her recipes. They actually have an asterisk beside many of the items, and when you look to the bottom of the page, it says "depends on how many actual TONS of this you intend to make today...."
It is already sitting there, this food [my stomach just rumbled] and for all I know, I am going to get two or three hours sleep here, call a cab and pay the guy at least $900.00 to drive me to the airport terminal where some dude or dude-ette at the checkout counter is going to look at me and say “Sorry. Lotsa snow. Gravity wins.”


GRAVITY SHMAVITY!
I’ve got Christmas food waiting for me, and I only have an alotted ten days to eat it!
Now let’s get this show on the road.

We can go to the moon.
We can make artificial hearts.
For the love of cabbage rolls, can we not invent an airplane that has a retractable shovel on the front of it, to push the snow out of the way as it takes off on time?

***************

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have a safe and delicious holiday!

Anonymous said...

Gravity is highly over-rated! I'll keep all appendages crossed that there is no delay that de-icer cannot cure and you can then have all the carrot juice, carrot souffle, carrots with butter, and carrots with baby peas that your heart desires-surely there are still some left! Have the loveliest, safest and best of holidays.

Cipriano said...

Thank you Patricia.
Cleo, thank you for crossing your appendages. Perhaps this was the cosmic power that helped in the astral-projection of the taxi!
It was absolutely amazing, how quickly this guy drove. I would have never believed such a thing possible, but he got ol' Rip Van Winkle here to the airport!