Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Tom Cruise: Revisited.

There are many other things I could go on about tonight, and I’m sure that some readers are probably thinking by now “Isn’t this blog supposed to be about books?”
But, well, last night I sort of “threw the book” at Tom Cruise, speculating that the water incident in Leicester Square (London) was a media-stunt and somewhat staged event.
I should have probably done a bit more research on the thing before blabbing my yapper like Matlock on steroids!
Thing is.... subsequent research has revealed to me that The Perp [The Squirter-Guy] was NOT a reporter as I had assumed. Turns out that the whole thing was a planned Ashton Kutcher-esque style deliberate squirtage segment for a British comedy show. It seems that Mr. Cruise really did NOT know that the thing was going to happen.
And the Squirters WERE arrested!
So.... there goes yet another pillar of my Media-Stunt Theory.
[I am surely going to lose my Private Investigator license over this...]!

Here are the scenes we didn't see:

There were four people on the Squirt Team and they were quickly whisked away for a quick tour of the Tower of London, whereupon they were threatened with a Henry the Eighth-style beheading and then released on bail within hours but ordered to return to a police station on Monday, (yesterday) where one was detained for further questioning as authorities consider whether to file charges.
"They are being investigated in relation to an alleged assault on Mr. Cruise," a police source told London's Independent newspaper. "It was just water, but that can be very alarming when it comes from a crowd out of nowhere."
No kidding.
Especially [as I made note of yesterday in MY investigations] when that "water" may have been.... who knows.... anthrax-urine or whatever!
Tom Cruise’s sister and publicist, Lee Ann DeVette, was not immediately available for comment Monday. But the London Times quotes her as saying Cruise might seek retribution.
"He is not just going to forget about it. He wants to make sure we get to the bottom of it," DeVette said. "We want to know who was involved and what it was all for. We have not received an apology and are still waiting to get hold of the people at Channel 4 and at the production company [behind the TV show].
"Tom does want to take action, but we don't know precisely what until we know more about the people we are dealing with."

The people in question are the practical jokesters behind Britain's new Entertainment 4 series, which has also ambushed the likes of Paris Hilton and Sharon Osbourne. Mrs. Ozzy, waylaid by a squirt earlier this month, was apparently less forgiving than Cruise. Apparently, she dumped a champagne bucket filled with ice and water over one of the offending cameramen.
You go girl!
Yesterday (Monday), a rep for Channel 4 issued a statement on behalf of its show: "The water squirting was not intended to cause offense and was very much in a spirit of fun. The stunt was intended to be lighthearted rather than malicious, and we would apologize to Mr. Cruise for any offense caused."

So, I just wanted to publish this retraction. My theory seems to be a real washout in the damning evidence that has surfaced since!
Matlock would not be proud of me.
And Columbo.... he would just shiver in disgust, squint, and wave that cigar of his....

My question now is this.
What should be done with Exhibit-A.... the squirt-weapon itself?
In this instance, I am in favor of a public beheading of the microphone.

Tomorrow.... book talk!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

In the spirit of disinterested inquiry, this enquiring mind wants to know. . . Hmmmmmm... How can I be certain that YOU aren't just a part of the Cruise Spin Machine? Maybe you WORK for Tom Cruise. A Deep Throat of the Hollywood Stars.

Come on, Matlock. MY conspiracy theory (and aren't we ALL entitled to at least one?) says that you are a plant out here in Blogland just trying to generate more positive publicity for this guy.
Worry not. Women everywhere are going to go see his movie whether he throws phones or keeps his cool. He's Tom Cruise, Baby.

Cipriano said...

Anonymous:
You have found me out.
You have ferretted out my true occupation.
We need people like you in our Organization. The pay is great!
Every second Friday, we say to Tom,
"Show me the money!"
And he does!